Monday, August 30, 2010

Screw With People

Dozens of ways to screw with people. What would life be without a little fun?

When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!".

Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".

Walk sideways to the photocopier.

While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.

Terrible Bad Writing Excerpts

The following are real excerpts from actual books. They are terrible.

There was no question about it, my computer was locked up like a crazy aunt in a dark, secluded attic, or like the brakes on my '73 Chevy Impala on a rainy day when my wife is driving the kids to origami lessons and is running late because Isaiah, my son, made a fuss at the last minute and refused to be put into his car seat. (Peter L. Belmonte)

In his arms, I wasn't a girl dreaming of sailing the high seas, and I wasn't a farm kid jumping the train, either, but a fully grown woman riding the soft side of the crescent moon. (Ann Howard Creel)

Sarah felt bored and unsatisfied, even though her job as a nurse's aide included helping patients and keeping track of the billiards equipment in the recreation room at the Venereal Disease Treatment Center, and she wondered what her mother had been thinking all those years when she repeatedly told her that a young lady should mind herpes and cues. (Brad Jolly)

It was a barky and wormy night at Dr. Kilmore's 24-Hour Veterinary Emporium when, right in the middle of his 3:00 AM stool watch, Alberto suddenly realized that, pound for pound, Shih-Tzus swallow more tennis bracelets than most dogs twice their size. (Jan Socie)

Terrible Bad Analogies

The following are real analogies used in books. They are terrible.

The wheel of love had left its tread marks in his chest once too often, like a knobby mud tire on a monster truck, or like a really big ponce wheel, the kind that tailors use to punch little holes in patterns and that would leave lots of nasty little welts if you were to run it up and down your arm. (Peter Loughlin)

I saw her sitting at the bar. I approached. "Hello," she said in a voice so husky it could pull a dogsled. (Dan Yell)

Mitzi's wet T-shirt clung to her torso like paint on the nose cone of a jumbo jet. (James Macdonald)

Captain Burton stood at the bow of his massive sailing ship, his weathered face resembling improperly cured leather that wouldn't even be used to make a coat or something. (Bryan Semrow)

Wednesday, August 25, 2010


Friday, August 20, 2010

Do You Like Dogs? I Love Dogs.

Here are ten interesting pics of dogs that you've probably never seen before.

i asked you to wash the dog...
i asked you to wash the dog...

Sunday, August 15, 2010

The Joy of Mentally Abusing a Pug By Making it Look Ridiculous

NBC's 2010 Fall Lineup Released

NBC Television Show Lineup

11-year-old girl gives birth in Northeastern hospital

An 11-year-old girl gave birth to a baby boy somewhere in the Northeast, the girl’s family reported to Fox News.

Details about the family and their location were withheld due to the girl’s shockingly young age, but the girl’s mother made a creepily blase statement about her daughter’s ordeal:

“My daughter and (her) baby are fine, and the baby is absolutely beautiful,” said the mother of the 11-year-old girl.

The unnamed girl isn’t the only one in the news for having a child while still a child this week- a nine-year-old Chinese girl delivered a baby by c-section this week in Changchun. Pregnancy at such a young age is extremely risky, and children of that age are rarely at a proper developmental stage to physically handle the condition without complications. A national expert on high risk pregnancy, Abdullah Al-Khan, spoke to Fox about the risks to which the girl was exposed:

“Her body is clearly not defined for pregnancy with its short stature,” Al-Khan said. “Her chest is not extensively developed for breast tissue, her bones aren’t quite fused, and once you expose a child this young to high amounts of progesterone and especially estrogen, there is (a possibility) that it could halt her growth.”

Thursday, August 12, 2010

15 Banned and Controversial Children’s Books

When you think of book banning, you imagine it being some horrid, freedom-depriving act that used to take place long ago…maybe even a hundred years ago or longer. The truth? Book banning still takes place in the United States. Every year, hundreds of books, including children’s books, are challenged for various reasons, and many have been banned.
Just check out these 15 banned and commonly challenged children’s books.

1. The Dictionary

No better place to start than with the most ridiculous ban on this list. Merriam Webster and American Heritage dictionaries have been banned in many schools for its definition of oral sex and other crude terms. In fact, the Merriam Webster dictionary was just banned in a California elementary school earlier this year for this exact reason.

8 Cool Undiscovered Family Vacation Spots

Tired of going on vacation to spots crowded with tourists? Want to go somewhere that feels like you’re blazing your own trail? A place where, when you tell your friends you’re going, they get a bewildered look on their face that says, “Where?!”

When Disney World, the Grand Canyon, and New York City just don’t cut it anymore for your family vacation, it’s time to consider one of these 8 super cool and super undiscovered vacation spots.

1. Maldives

Want a beach that’s not crowded? One that’s even more gorgeous than the ones in the Caribbean and Mexico? One where your whole family can kick back and relax? The Maldives might be just the spot you’re looking for. This cluster of islands in the Indian Ocean has beautiful beaches that have yet to be spoiled by tourists. You can enjoy gorgeous, first class hotels, do some sailing, and just indulge yourself in the beauty.

Try Not to Throw Up While You're Wearing a Motorcycle Helmet

Try Not to Throw Up While You're Wearing a Motorcycle Helmet

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

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