I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Top Ten Signs Arnold Schwarzenegger is Getting Older
10.He's been triggering explosions with The Clapper
9.After day of shooting action scenes, entire set smells like Ben Gay
8.Over two dozen times in "Eraser," he says, "You'll have to speak up"
7.Instead of shooting bad guys, challenges them to $10 game of shuffleboard
6.For "Terminator 3," he's been replaced by this guy (roll videotape)
5.Recently switched from steroids to Metamucil
4.Special effects in latest movie provided by Sy Sperling
3.Bulging chest muscles really just a Wonderbra
2.Catch phrase changed from "I'll be back" to "Oh, my back!"
1.His stunt double: Bob Dole















Englishmen and an Irishman
One day, there were three Englishmen in an English bar, and they saw an Irishman sitting down drinking, and they decided to play a trick on him and the first Englishman said to the Irishman, "Did you know St. Patrick was a sissy?" The Irishman said, "No, I didn't." The first Englishman went back and told his friends it didn't work. The second Englishman went up to the Irishman and said, "Did you know that St. Patrick was a transvestite?" The Irishman said, "No, I didn't." The Englishman went back and told his friends it didn't work. The third Englishman went to the Irishman and said, "Did you know that St. Patrick was an Englishman? The Irishman said, "No, I didn't. But that's what your friends were trying to tell me."