Friday, July 16, 2010

Bad Interviews

These are true stories of interviews gone very, very wrong.

An applicant said she was a "people person", not a "numbers person", in her interview for an accounting position.

Candidate told the interviewer that he was fired from his last job for beating up his boss.

Applicant smelled his armpits on the way to the interview room.

One candidate asked for a cup of water, took a sip, swished it around in his mouth, and spat into a potted plant.

Prospect said, "Seven handicapped parking spaces next to the front door? What, are you having a wheelchair convention or something?"

When asked if he had experience with a certain programming language, the interviewee said, "I don't know, is it on my resume?" while leaning over attempting to look at his own resume.

Interviewee leaned back in the chair, put his feet on the desk and proceeded to tell me how he wanted more money than the position offered but didn't really like to work very much, so he'd need Fridays off and only wanted to work 4-5 hours the rest of the days.

Candidate left his cell phone on and took a call during the interview.

Applicant asked to see the resume of the interviewer to see if the personnel executive was qualified to interview him.

Candidate walked to interview on a hot day, and interviewed while sweating profusely.

Interviewee brought a friend (without confirming first), mentioned her friend was a drug addict so would definitely have to stick around "for a few paychecks".

Interviewee told me he'd worked at a gym and said he had a problem cleaning up the blood and semen in the saunas.

Candidate texted on cellphone during the interview.

Prospect reeked of alcohol.

Huge drop of drool came out of candidate's mouth while listening to a question.

Candidate wore shorts and sandals, and a baseball cap.

When asked if there was anything else he wanted to tell the interviewer, the applicant said, "Well, ma'am, I ain't never killed nobody before."

One applicant sang all the responses to the interview questions.

One candidate, when asked if he was ever convicted of a felony, responded, "No, I was not convicted, I pled guilty."

A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.

Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.

Candidate fell and broke arm during interview.

Candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office.

Candidate explained that her long-term goals was to replace the interviewer.

Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.

Balding candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a hairpiece.

Applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.

Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to answer specific interview questions.

Candidate brought large dog to interview.

During the interview, an alarm clock went off in the applicant's briefcase. He apologized and said he had to leave for another interview.

Applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed standing up.

Candidate dozed off during interview.

Some strange things said by applicants during the interview:

"I would be a great addition to your softball team."

"I figure if I can get a few months experience here then I can get the job I REALLY want (at competitor)."

"I never get hungry."

"I know who is responsible for most of my troubles."

"Sometimes I feel like smashing things."

"My legs are really hairy."

"I think I'm going to throw up."

"Women should not be allowed to drink in cocktail bars."

"What is the company motto?"

"Why aren't you in a more interesting business?"

"What are the zodiac signs of all the board members?"

"Why do you want references?"

"Do I have to dress for the next interview?"

"I know this is off the subject, but will you marry me?"

"Will the company move my rock collection from California to Maryland?"

"Your company has nice benefits. That's good because I am going to take a lot of leave this year."

"Does your health insurance cover pets?"

"Would it be a problem if I'm angry most of the time?"

"Does your company have a policy regarding concealed weapons?"

"Do you think the company would be willing to lower my pay?"

"Why am I here?"

"I have no difficulty in starting or holding my bowel movements."

"At times I have the strong urge to do something harmful or shocking."

"I feel uneasy indoors."

"I think that Lincoln was greater than Washington."

"I get excited very easily."

"Once a week, I usually feel hot all over."

"I need the position because I want to get away from dealing with people."

"I am fascinated by fire."

"I like tall women."

"Whenever a man is with a woman he is usually thinking about sex."

"People are always watching me."

"If I get too much change in a store, I always give it back."

"Almost everyone is guilty of bad sexual conduct."

"I must admit that I am a pretty fair talker."

"If the pay was right, I'd travel with the carnival."

"I would have been more successful if nobody would have snitched on me."

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