Monday, June 7, 2010

Is Taylor Swift a Chinese Spy?

Well is she?

Don't answer yet, it's my turn. I have uncovered serious, damning evidence which points to her being a part of the Red Regime. First, what is a Taylor Swift?

People ask me this all the time, and I don't know why, it's weird when you are asked a question like this during a regular conversation about the weather, sports, whatever. However, I always answer them like this: A Taylor Swift is a plant indigenous to northeast Indonesia. It resembles that plant from that one movie. The one that eats people. This usually satisfies the curiosity of those who ask.

My secret sources (a couch cushion and a piece of lint from my pocket) have told me that she has smuggled bugging equipment in her uterus, and she always carries a microphone tucked under her arm pit, along with a cheese sandwich. The microphone is for picking up conversations of raving lunatic fans which is believed by China to carry secret codes for turning all of their tea into potato bread, and the cheese sandwich is for her to consume if she is caught, which would kill her instantly, or give her a bad stomach ache, which will make her wish she was dead, and to the Chinese a symbolic death is just as valuable.

I have informed the state department, along with turning over incriminating videos of me pouring water on a can of chili.

Stay tuned....this has been another episode of the Phoolish report.

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