Thursday, June 10, 2010

Got in a Fight With a Turtle Today

TURTLES! Who do they think are anyway?

I was walking down the street when this turtle just walks right by me and shoves on past, and I was like, "Hey what the hell buddy, slow down!" And he said, "Are you saying that because I'm a turtle, because I'm EXPECTED to slow down??" And I said, "No, I'm saying that because you bumped into me and made me spill my cheese nachos and my bottle of Pepto Bismol!"

And the turtle said, "Bumped into you? You hate me for being black!"

I said, "I do not, and you're green!"

"I'm green? You hate me for my Vietnamese heritage!"

"You're not Vietnamese either, you're a turtle!"

"Oh now I'm not Vietnamese? You hate me because I'm left handed!"

"You don't even have hands!"

Then he shoved me, and we wrestled on the ground for a little bit, and I said 'hey stop that tickles', and he said 'goochie goochie goo!'

Then I threw up.

This has been a Phoolish Report. Below is some stuff to make you forget about the horror of my story.



Bad Luck

Emo Bangs

Rock Bottom

Top Ten Good Things About Raising The Speed Limit

10.Yankee players have better chance of making it home before drugs kick in
9.If the speed limit hits 95, Anna Nicole Smith will try to marry it
8.People can rush home to not watch CBS
7.Will speed O.J.'s search for the real killers
6.Divine Brown able to squeeze in 6 more customers a day
5.Increased airflow rapidly cools scalding McDonald's coffee on your lap
4.New York cabbies will get lost even faster
3.Cops forced to spend their time chasing real criminals instead of law abiding talk show hosts
2.Sound of wind passing through the grill is just like having free Yoko Ono CD
1.High speed funeral processions

A priest and a rabi are on a walk together when the pass a schoolyard with children playing in it.

The priest says, "Should we fuck them?" The rabbi says "Out of what?"

boxcat is heer wayting to strike

Can there be the instertings of coin, lolcat is all  out...

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