Tuesday, October 8, 1996

Top Ten Signs You're on a Bad Cruise

10.Lavish buffet turns out to be three bags of Doritos and a quart of Pepsi.
9.Welcome aboard drink made with tetracycline and erythromycin
8.When you ask the cruise director where the lifeboat is, he points to a fat guy.
7.It's 10 AM, and Captain Hazelwood has a thermos full of martinis.
6.Not only is Kathie Lee there, but also that elephant that tramples people.
5.Ship doctor only qualified to give tattoos
4.You have to share a room with Captain Stubing.
3.Gopher is an actual gopher.
2.You wake up with barnacles all over your ass.
1.Name of the boat: The S.S. Amtrak

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