Tuesday, October 8, 1996

Top Ten Ways the U.S. Would Be Different If the Next President Were a Dog

10.Doggy door on oval office
9.At press conferences, instead of "Mr. President," reporters would shout, "Here fella!"
8.Goodbye Whitewater scandal, hello toilet bowl water scandal
7.Washington Monument replaced with hundred-story fire hydrant
6.U.S. might have more coherent foreign policy
5.Public enemy #1: That neutering bastard Bob Barker
4.Secret service and CIA dispatched to catch that little chuck wagon
3.Country really run by dog's smarter poodle wife
2.Here's your new national anthem: (videotape of dog barking x-mas jingle)
1.One word: sausage-gate

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