Tuesday, October 8, 1996

Top Ten Things That Will Get You On The Evening News

10.Drink Windex until you see a U.F.O.
9.Become famous in the field of the arts, sciences, politics, or what have you; then pass away
8.Get elected President and let your wife run the country while you eat non-stop
7.Retire from your 75-million dollar a year job in the NBA to catch up on Donahue
6.Ask Janet Reno out on a date. Actually show up.
5.Marry Sonny and Cher
4.Add an "e" to potato
3.Host late-night talk show, then get pulled over for speeding
2.Beat the crap out of Barney in a texas shopping mall
1.Two words: tarmac haircut

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